The Zim and Dib Romance
by spklvr
Summary: Zim and Dib are finally a couple, but how will Dib handle it when his father says he's getting married? And just what is he marrying? Zadr. Obviously. Also Membrane X OC. Mpreg.
1. Just apologize already!

This came to me once during history class. I won't ask for reviews, but getting them will make me feel really guilty if I don't update quick enough. I don't own Invader Zim.

* * *

**The Zim and Dib Romance **

Chapter I 

**Just apologize already!**

Zim walked along the path to skool. He cursed at a few animals that dared to cross his path. And he was especially mad at the bird that apparently thought he was a cricket where it sat on a branch, and looked at him with hungry eyes. By the time he reached his destination, he was, to put it mildly, pissed. So when the stupid Dib thing appeared in front of him, he refused to be placid.

"Hi, Zim. You look good," Dib smiled gently.

"You're lying!" Zim shouted while waving his hands about.

"You do realize you kind of just insulted yourself?"

"… You think you are so smart, you Dib human, but you are NOT! YOU ARE STUPID! … Why were you complementing me anyway? We're enemies."

"Just making conversation I guess. So why are you in a worse mood than usual?"

"GIR made me eat over twenty waffles for breakfast."

As Dib went on about his own morning, Zim suddenly began to wonder when and why the two of them had become friends. After being on the earth for such a long time and postponed the take over the earth thing until further notice the two of them had gradually become close. Not that they would ever admit that to each other, but they were well aware of the others thoughts about the matter. The only thing that annoyed Zim was that Dib had grown disgustingly much taller than him. When people questioned his lack of height, he'd blame the skin decease and explain that it also affected his growth. Dib had also grown a lot more handsome. He no longer wore those thick, round glasses that had been replaced with some new ones that were more stylish and modern. He still wore black coats but they suited him much more. This annoyed Zim as well when he thought about it. He wanted to be taller and such too. He was still the same old Zim, like he always had been. No change whatsoever.

"So Zim, any plans to take over the world?" Dib half joked.

"No, I do not have any plan to take over this ball of mud and liquid of pain and agony that you call earth!" he growled.

"It's called water Zim…"

"IT'S LIQUID OF PAIN AND AGONY"

"Fine. You want to stop by the arcade on the way home. They got a new game called doom."

"Well, since I have nothing better to do I shall honour you with my presence."

"Sounds great. See you at lunch." Dib waved goodbye and vanished in the crowd.

Zim looked after him. High Skool annoyed him. He was no longer in Dib's class. Yet they both still had Ms. Bitters… at the same time. Oh well. It could be worse. When Dib finally realised that no one cared, he stopped talking about paranormal stuff, even though it was all he ever thought about still, and the two of them managed to get some friends that way. Zim too, because he was always with Dib. Of course, Zim was Dib-Stink's bestest and most important friend… even though none of them would ever admit that.

"Zim, you are confusing yourself. Get a grip!" Zim shouted into the air, his arms flapping about. Everyone else was used to this and simply walked around him to avoid getting hit.

* * *

Zim was waiting outside of the skool. The birds were looking at him with hungry eyes again. Students walked past him while laughing and talking to each other, but the certain worm-baby he was waiting for never showed. He hadn't showed in the cafeteria either. Leaning towards the brick wall surrounding the skool, he waited by the skool gates. An hour late, the Dib thing exited. Zim jumped out in front of the boy and glared. 

"You're late!" he shouted so loudly the dark haired boy almost fell backwards.

"What are you talking about Zim? I tried to call you, but you didn't answer and then I texted you," Dib said calmly back, knowing that Zim hated that.

"YOU'RE LY…" Zim found himself rudely interrupted by a large hand covering his mouth. When had Dib's hands grown so much?

"Check your phone before you accuse me of lying," Dib hissed.

Zim did as he was told, for once, since he was sure, for once, that Dib _was _in fact lying. He looked at his phone, and his head dropped. Three missed calls, all from Dib and a text saying 'Don't wait for me. I'm busy with some sudden student council work all day. Won't be able to meet you at lunch either. Dib.'

"Okay, you weren't lying… well, whatever. Let's go to the arcades!" Zim grabbed Dib by the hand and pulled him along, genuinely thinking that the conversation was over. Dib however, did not agree on that. He pulled the alien back. "What?"

"Apologize!"

"For what?"

"Saying that I was lying."

"I admitted that I was wrong. There are limits to how low I will sink for a worm baby like you."

"Fine. It's not like you to admit fault anyway. Let's go. But you have to learn to apologize sooner or later."

"Why would I, the mighty ZIM, need to apologize to anyone?"

"Maybe you haven't noticed, but you are far from mighty here on earth. And the way you act, it's weird you haven't gotten into more trouble than you have."

"That is nonsense! What have I ever done, to you for example, that need to be apologized for?" Dib just looked at Zim like he was the dumbest person on earth. Zim did not like that? "What?"

"Are you joking?"

"About what?"

"About never doing anything to me! You have done hundreds of things that you should apologize for… at least!"

"Like what?"

"Like sending me to space, stealing my organs, all the times you have tried to kill me and harm my family, and all the times you said my head was big!"

"That hurt your confusing and strange human feelings?" Zim asked. He really hadn't realised.

"OF COURSE! It's not my fault my head is like this." Dib touched his head.

"If it helps, you've really grown into it."

"… it does, but I still want you to apologize. I'll let it go if you say sorry."

"No."

"What?"

"I did not know that it hurt your feelings, and therefore I'm not obliged to apologize. Instead, I will refrain from doing any of those things again."

"That makes sense in a way that does not!" Dib shouted.

"I don't understand you DIB WORM!" Zim shouted back. They glared at each other for a while, turned around and huffed before walking each their way.

* * *

Dib was lying on his couch, moping. He wasn't sure why. It was because of the fight with Zim, but why did he care? Gaz sat down next to him. She glanced at him quickly and took the remote. When Dib didn't make any reaction to her taking the remote, she changed the channel. He was still just lying there. She almost wanted to ask what was wrong. Almost. A Bloaty's pizza hog commercial distracted her. 

"Hello son and daughter!" their father said excitedly. It took them a while to realize that he was actually in the room with them.

"Hey dad," they said in unison.

"Why so glum son?" he asked and sat down in between them.

"I kind of had a fight with one of my friends," Dib explained.

"Since when did _you _have friends? Is it that green guy?" Gaz mocked.

"I have other friends! … but it is him."

"What did you fight about, son?" Dr. Membrain asked.

"That he won't apologize for anything."

"What has he done to you then?"

"He called my head big! Many times! And you know, stole my organs, and sent me to space and so on."

"But you have grown into your head now son. I don't see any reason why he should bully you about that."

Dib looked at his father. "Was my head really that big?" he wondered.

"My god yes! I remember when I had to shove you out of me. It felt like I was giving birth to a huge basketball! Eventually they had to get you out with a c-section."

Both Dib and Gaz stared at their father. Neither really sure how to comprehend the situation. "What did you say?" Dib finally asked.

"What? I never told you that I was the one to give birth to you?" Dr. Membrain asked confused.

"Aren't you male Dad?" Gaz asked.

"I am. That was the problem, but of course, I found a solution to it. I operated an artificial womb inside of me!"

"By yourself?" Dib asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"Nothing," the two children said at once.

"Then who is our… father?" Dib asked. He was a little afraid of the answer.

"Random men I met at a gay bar. Have you never wondered why you two don't look alike?"

"Not really the conclusion I got to, Dad," Gaz said.

"Well, now you know. I was sure I put this in my biography…" Dr. Membrain mumbled as he left the room.

Gaz and Dib just sat quietly on the couch, processing the new information. Dib was the first to speak. "Gaz? Did you know dad was gay?"

"I had my suspicions. Didn't think he had given birth to us though."

"But I thought you had read his biography."

"I stopped when I reached his teen years. There is only so much you want to know about your own father. When he had his first wet dream is not one of them."

Dib stared at Gaz who had started watching TV again. _What kind of book is dad's biography anyway? _A thought suddenly hit him. _Am I gay? For Zim?_

* * *

Zim glared at the TV. He wanted to walk around, shouting nonsense, but of everyone, Gir, had told him to be quiet because the angry monkey show was on. _Stupid monkey! _The show was over and Gir turned off the TV. The robot sat quietly for a moment, just staring into the air, then suddenly he started screaming and laughing hysterically. 

"That monkey is angry!" he laughed, then suddenly went quiet again.

Zim looked at him for a moment, then he suddenly got an idea. "GIR!" he shouted and jumped of the couch.

"Yes Mastah!" The robot's eyes went red for a few seconds, bit turned light blue again quickly.

"I have decided to turn every human into Monkeys!" Zim chuckled, and then the chuckles turned into an evil laugh. He stopped, however, when he noticed Gir wasn't joining him. "What?" he asked.

"Didn't we already try that once?" Gir wondered.

Zim thought for a moment.

_Flashback_

The headquarter was filled with monkeys. Several of them were trying to pull out Zim's antennas. Gir ran away from them screaming. The poor robot was terrified.

"I'll turn you back! I'll turn you back!" Zim cried. "Just leave me alone!" Something mushy and smelly suddenly hit the back of his head. "Who threw that dookie?"

_End Flashback_

"Right, let's not repeat that error. Then, let's turn them into PIGGIES!"

"We tried that too."

"Right. The smell of dookie was unbearable. How about horsies?"

Gir looked at Zim like _he_ was stupid. "Do you even want to try that?" Gir asked.

"No. You're right for once Gir. Horsies aren't a good idea. Too big and their hoofs are dangerous… How about DOGS!"

"No," Gir said bluntly.

"But Gir?"

"Just no."

Zim looked a bit at Gir. "You're slightly out of character today. Did something happen?"

"I smashed my head in the wall earlier. Do you want waffles? I want waffles!" Gir said excitedly and ran into the kitchen, leaving Zim alone by the TV.

"Could this be?" Zim asked himself. "Can I, the mighty ZIM, be in a rut? I have been out of the game for too long. The truce with Dib has ruined my brilliance! I swear that by the end of today, I shall come up with the most brilliant plan yet!"

**Two weeks later **

"Hello friend," Zim said to Keef. He was standing in the cafeteria, talking to his previous bestest friend.

Keef looked up at him with huge eyes. "Hi Zim," he smiled.

"Say, if you wanted to take over the world… how would you do it?" Zim asked.

Keef scratched his red hair as he thought. "… turn everyone into slugs?" he suggested finally.

"NO! Too slimyyyy. TRY AGAIN!"

"Uh… ants?"

"NO!"

"Beatles?"

"NO!"

"Monkeys?"

"Absolutely nooooo!"

"Hey Zim," Dib said as he suddenly appeared behind Zim.

"Wha!" Zim screamed and jumped up on Keef's head. "What are you doing, Dib stink?" Zim asked from the top of Keef's head.

"Just saying hi… I want to talk to you."

"Too bad. I'm having a very interesting conversation with my bestest friend…this guy," Zim said and pointed at Keef.

"You don't even know his name, do you?" Dib chuckled.

"Of course I know the name of my bestest friend. It's Bib!" Zim said proudly and jumped off of Keef's head.

"Actually, it's Keef," Keef corrected.

"YOU'RE LYING!"

"Can't we just talk, Zim?"

Zim thought for a moment. Dib looked upset and it made his squeedily spooch twist. "Fine, but only because my bestest friend just betrayed me by lying."

Zim followed Dib out of the cafeteria and into the hallway that was void of students during lunch. Dib leaned to the wall and closed his eyes. His expression seemed resigned. "Why are you walking around school asking people how they would take over the world?" he asked.

"No reason… I've volunteered to help with a survey for the yearbook."

"You're lying."

"Hey! That's m…"

"I've missed you Zim."

Zim was speechless. That had never happened before. And that Dib had actually been rude enough to interrupt him had gone right by him. "What?" he asked after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"I've missed you Zim. Things are really boring without you. So I'm willing to be the bigger man and let the fact that you haven't apologized slide."

"NO! Why are you the bigger man? I want to be the bigger man!"

"Then you have to apologize."

"Fine! I'm So-so-so-sor-so…" Zim took a deep breath. "I'msorryIsaidyourheadwasbigandforstealingyourorgansandallthatotherstuff!"

"I guess that'll do. You're the bigger man," Dib giggled. "And apology accepted."

"It better be!" Zim growled. "So…" Zim's expression softened. "Not mortal enemies anymore?"

"No." They shook hands, but Dib was still looking strange. Zim was just about to ask what was wrong when Dib bent down and pressed his lips against Zim's. Zim had seen this been done on others before, but had never really understood what it meant. It didn't feel bad. The larger human put his arms around him and pulled him closer. Zim was slightly wondering why he wasn't protesting. It simply felt really good. Even when the Dib thing inserted a little bit of tongue. Dib let go of Zim and stepped back.

"What was that?" Zim asked confused.

"A kiss. You didn't know?"

"Should I have?" Zim wondered, slightly insulted.

"It's just something people do when they really like someone," Dib explained.

"Like with your bestest friend?"

"No… with your lover… I guess."

"Your lover? What does that mean?"

"A lover is… the most important person to you. You spend a lot of time with them, go on dates… and kiss, like we did now."

"I see." Zim rubbed his chin as he thought hard. "And dates are?" he asked.

"It's just like hanging out like we usually do, only it's called something different when you're lovers."

Zim nodded to show he understood. He kept thinking and began pacing a bit back and forth in front of Dib. "And there will be more of this kissing thing?"

"Hopefully lots of it."

"Okay! Zim will honour you by being your lover. The person more important to you than even your bestest friend. Now, let us kiss again. Zim like!" Zim smirked and quickly jumped Dib. As they lay on the floor, Zim pressed their lips together again. He really liked this kissing thing.


	2. Magical fun

Second chapter FINISHED! I have no idea where this story is going though. I've planned a few chapters, but I don't know how it'll end. Probably just a lot of PWP, but who doesn't love PWP? This chapter is a little short I think, but I had so many ideas for the next chapter that I had to force myself to finish this one. Thanks to those who reviewed and those who just read it, and thanks to my bestest friend ml90 since she kind of came up with this idea. Blame her if you feel you had to wait too long. I had to translate her bleach story. If you like AizenXgrimmjawXulquiorra porn, read it.

PS. Those that gets the joke with the magician's name gets a cyber cookie! It's not really funny unless it's four o'clock in the morning. That's when I made it up...

**

* * *

**

**The Zim and Dib Romance**

**Chapter II**

**Magical**** fun**

Zim and Dib had been lovers for almost a week now and Dib was glowing. On the second day Zim had declared that they were lovers to the entire school over the speakers, and that touching Dib was not allowed. It was kind of really embarrassing, but no one seemed to care so it ended up just being sweet in a Zim kind of way. It was now a Saturday night and they were walking home from their first proper date. Zim had chosen to watch an end-of-the-world movie, no surprise there. He was crying when the humans eventually won. Apparently it was the saddest ending he had ever seen. They were walking down the street, hand in hand, and Dib was admiring the beautiful night sky. He was curious about what was out there. Then he was suddenly held back by Zim.

"What are you doing?" Dib asked him. Zim just pointed at a TV in an electronic shop window. Confused, Dib stepped closer to see.

"_The great Gib Yno__hp is coming too your town! Don't miss this fantastic magic show!"_ The commercial went on, showing a fat bearded man sawing a smiling woman in half. _  
_

"What is that?" Zim wondered.

"Just a big phony. There's no such thing as magic."

"You believe that Bigfoot used your belt sander, but not that someone can saw someone else in two?" Zim wondered. The magician spread the box the woman was in. She was still smiling and waving to the audience. Her feet were playfully moving up and down through two holes on the other end. Now Zim got even more interested. "How can she still be alive?" he asked. "He cut her in half!" The magician put the box back together again, opened it and the woman stepped out of it in one piece. Zim just stared at the screen amazed.

"_Every Sunday in your town!"_

"We have to see!" Zim shouted. He clutched Dib's coat with one hand and waved furiously with the other. "It's tomorrow!"

"Why do you want to see a magic show, Zim?" Dib grabbed Zim's hands to make him stop.

"It's cool!" Zim explained. "He cut her in half! And she lived!"

As Zim just stared at him with two excited puppy eyes, Dib wasn't sure he wanted to fall over laughing or squeal. He was cute! "Sure Zim. We'll go to the magic show," Dib finally settled with.

"Yes!" Zim did a little Gir style dance. Not that Dib would mention that. The alien would kill him. "Maybe he can teach me something to help me conquer earth!"

"You still trying to conquer earth?" Dib asked surprised.

"… well, you know... it's postponed."

"Why?"

"DO I NEED A REASON!" Zim shouted suddenly.

"You're starting to like earth, aren't you?" Dib teased and poked the alien.

"WHAT! That's stupid. It's merely a matter of liking earth better than Irk. They were mean there. They had me cooking things…"

Dib studied the now angry Zim who was scowling pretty badly. He figured this was a topic best left alone. "Anyway, I just want you to be prepared to be disappointed tomorrow."

"Why?" They held each others hands again and continued walking. Zim looked happier now that they were touching.

"The magician, it's just tricks."

"Are you doubting my ability to judge?"

"Yes."

"He his for real!"¨

"Fine. Let's just go home. I'll walk you there."

"You never walked me home before. Is this also one of the things that change when you become lovers?"

"Yeah. I want to make sure you get home safe. What if someone else finds out you're an alien and you get dissected."

"Dib. The people here are stupid. They won't find out. I don't even know why I bother to wear a disguise sometimes."

"You are cute without your disguise, but I think it's for the best that you wear it."

They walked mostly in silence the rest of the way to Zim's house. Only the occasional comment about things they passed. Zim was too excited about the magic show and Dib was too busy looking at the alien's smile. When they reached Zim's front porch, Dib looked uncomfortably around.

"Well… goodbye…" Dib stuttered.

"NO! Kissy first." Dib smiled and bent down to kiss the alien's sweet lips.

"Welcome home son!" two enthustiastic robot parents said as they suddenly sprung out of the door and shoved Dib off of their "son". Dib crashed into one of the gnomes. The gnome didn't like it and threw Dib back out on the curb. The boy landed painfully on his back.

"I thought you made sure that the gnomes didn't attack me anymore," Dib groaned as he got up.

"They are a little off…" Zim admitted embarrassed.

"A lot of your stuff are. You'd think your commanders had just sent you down here to fail," Dib said as he rubbed his spine back into place.

"Hehe… don't be ridicules. WellgottagoseeyoutomorrowIhadagreattime!" Zim said quickly and vanished into the house.

Dib stared at the door confused. "Didn't you want to kiss?"

* * *

The next day, the two boys stood in line outside a circus tent. Zim was very excited about this. Even if they did survive, watching humans getting sawed in half was very fun. Although, he couldn't understand why there was only short people around him. There was the occasional tall person like Dib watching over the little ones, but the majority was tiny. Zim liked it. He was the one in power here.

"Why are you smirking?" Dib asked. "Are you planning something?"

"So awfully suspicious you are. I am not planning a thing. There is no need for planning. I am superior here! Mohahaha!"

"… Okay. Here's your ticket." Dib handed Zim a little paper thingy before taking Zim by the hand and walked inside. As they sat down on their seats, Zim took a look at the paper thingy.

"Children's ticket? Why do I have a worm-baby ticket?" Zim hissed.

"It was cheaper. Why spend more money than you have to?"

Zim snatched Dib's ticket. "You have an adult ticket? Why?"

"I couldn't pass for a child."

"And I could?"

"Obviously."

"I'm buying a new ticket!" Zim shouted and jumped off his seat.

"Why? We're already inside! Zim…? Oh… forget it." Zim was already out of hearing range.

Zim stomped to the ticket window, shoving little worm-babies out of the way as he did and stopped in front of it. "HEY!" he shouted at the zit faced boy behind the window.

"Hello, how may I help you?" he asked in a bored tone.

"I would like to change this into an adult ticket!" Zim explained and handed the ticket to the zit-boy.

"How old are you?" the boy asked.

"15!"

The boy looked at him. "Are you sure? You look 10… maybe younger."

"I am 15! SO GIMME!"

"Well, if you insist. That'll be four dollars."

"What! Are you trying to rip me off? I will not pay four dollars for a stuuuuupid ticket!"

"That's what it costs. Sorry."

Zim took back his ticket and stomped back to his seat again. Before he reached Dib he grabbed a pen from an innocent bystander and scribbled over the child and wrote adult over it. Proud of his work, he skipped happily over to his lover.

"Did you buy a new ticket?" Dib asked as Zim sat down next to him.

"I did!" Zim handed the ticket over to show him.

Dib looked at the ticked, cocked an eyebrow and looked up at a smiling Zim. "Okay. Good for you," he said and gave it back.

_The sucker bought it! _The two of them turned to the stage as a fat man with a strange looking mustache entered. A pretty blonde lady barely wearing any clothes followed him.

"Hello! I am the great Gib Ynoph!" the man announced in an accent that sounded weird to Zim and fake to Dib. "And this is my beautiful assistant, May!" May bowed to the audience. After that, he pulled some rabbits out of a hat, which Dib explained was simple, but Zim wouldn't believe him. Then the beautiful assistant got sawed in half again. It was after that it got interesting. "To prove that I am for real, I will saw someone from the audience in half as well. Any volunteers?"

Before any other kids had the time to raise their hand, Zim had glued them all to the chairs with an irken special quick-drying and strong glue. He got back in his seat and started waving his hands about. "PICK ME!" he shouted.

"All right. Green boy. Come down here!"

Zim bounced back out of his seat and could vaguely hear Dib groan as he ran to the stage. The fat bearded magician greeted him.

"Hello little green boy. And how old are you?" he asked as he shook Zim's hand.

"I'm 15," Zim said. May brought out a new box for Zim to lie in.

"Hehe. Sure you are. Now, why don't I help you hop into the box?" Gib Ynohp grabbed Zim under the arms and lifted him easily into the box that was just a little shorter than Zim so that both his head and legs could stick out of holes. Before Zim could move much, the man had already closed it. "And now I will saw him in half!" the magician announced proudly. May gave him the saw and the magician began cutting. As the saw got closer to his body, Zim suddenly thought of something. What if the magician did a mistake and couldn't put him back together.

"I changed my mind. I don't want to do this after all. Can you stop?" he pleaded.

"Don't worry little boy. I know what I'm doing."

The saw was getting closer. Zim was starting to sweat. It reached his body. "AAHHH! THE PAIN! DIB! HELP ME!" The magician ignored the boy's screams and finished. He put two metal plates in the cut and spread the box so that Zim was looking at his own legs that were kicking frantically next to him. "WHA! MY LEGS! THEY ARE NOT ATTACHED! DIIIIB!"

Sitting in his seat, Dib was having a hard time trying not to laugh. Zim didn't even notice that the boots sticking out of the box weren't his own. Dib could see it easily from where he sat! At least all the little children around him were excited. Zim put on quite a show.

Back on the stage, Zim was still screaming as the magician put the box back together. Zim jumped out the second the box was opened. He looked down to check if his legs really were attached and felt relieved when they were.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" the magician smiled. "You can help me with the next trick as well." Before Zim could refuse, the man had carried him off and places him inside a basket. He then put on a special lid. Zim's head was still popping up from it, but he couldn't see his body.

"I will now stab this little green boy with swords!" the magician announced and the audience cheered.

"You will what?! NO! I'm too young to die! Please stop!" Zim looked over at Dib that seemed to be completely calm. "DIB! HELP ME!" Dib rolled his eyes. Zim was shocked. Didn't he care more about him? Wasn't Zim more important to him than even his bestest friend? Zim turned back to the magician. May came over carrying four swords that she gave Gib Ynohp. He thanked her and raised the first one to show the audience before she stabbed the basked with it. It appeared to go right through Zim and out the other end. "NO! THE PAIN!" The magician took the other sword and shoved it through. "GHA! STOP!" The man was about to stab him yet another time, when he suddenly stopped.

"What are you doing? You're ruining the show!" the man hissed through his teeth. Zim turned his head and saw Dib standing there.

"Sorry. It's just a little painful to watch," Dib explained before bending down to Zim. "Zim, you are not being stabbed," he whispered to him. Zim was about to protest, but Dib stopped him. "Are you in pain?" Zim thought for a moment. He wasn't really in pain. And on closer inspection, the swords looked kind of fake.

"WHAT! Dib was right! You are a big phony! THIS IS ALL FAKE!" he shouted as loud as he could.

"Okay, that's it! Get out of here or I'll call security!" Gib Ynohp.

Dib pulled Zim out of the basket and the two of them ran to the exit. Well outside in safety, the two of them sat down on a bench. They spent a few minutes in silence, just catching their breaths again. Then Zim suddenly remembered again. "Why didn't you help me earlier?" Zim asked.

"Because you weren't in danger, Zim. Do you really believe that I would just let you get hurt?"

"No. It's because I believed you would, that I was so disappointed. You never came no matter how many times I called. Any idea how low I had to sink to ask you for help?!"

"Trust me Zim. If I believed you were in danger, I'd be the first one there to save you." Dib leaned down and kissed Zim's cheek.

"On the lips too," Zim smiled. Dib giggled and moved closer to kiss the alien.

"MASTAH!"

Dib and Zim almost fell off the bench as the loud robot suddenly landed between them in his dog costume.

"Gir! What are you doing here?" Zim yelled.

"I missed you!" Gir cried and hugged Zim tightly.

"That's cute," Dib chuckled.

"You still have to kiss me," Zim smirked. Dib happily complied.

* * *

I'm thinking of watching all the episodes of Zim again. (That I have illegally downloaded. I'm bad, I know) It wasn't before the episode "a room with a moose" that I finally began to get Zadr, but I can't remember why. Did everyone else just like Zadr right away?


	3. Say what?

Author's note:

Plot is developing! This chapter is a little short. The dinner (that you will know about later) was supposed to be in this chapter, but that part is going really slow. So there will be two smaller chapters instead. I'll try to post the next chap before Thursday because Sims 2 hobbies will hopefully be mine by then! I won't be writing anything all weekend. Also, I saw Sweeney Todd yesterday. GENIUS! And it's probably just me, but after that I thought Johnny Depp would be a good Nny… just me then?

And a cyber cookie to microwaved noodles for figuring out the "joke" in the last chapter.

**The Zim and Dib Romance **

**Chapter III**

… **Say what?**

Zim had never been particularly observant of other people's feelings. Mostly because he didn't care, but he also didn't exactly understand them. Humans had a much wider emotion range than Irkens, so that he didn't get more than half of them was understandable. Yet, he could clearly see that something was wrong with Dib. It had started on a regular Wednesday morning. They met at school as usual, but Dib had seemed so… distant. He had barely eaten anything during lunch, he had barely said anything when they did some homework during their free-period, he was usually very chatty when it came to skool stuff, and he hadn't insisted on walking Zim home.

Zim had honestly not thought too much of it. Maybe Dib had just eaten something Gir had made, but the day after Dib had been exactly the same. And when they kissed it didn't feel as nice as it used to do. Maybe Gir had given him something again, but Gir insisted that he hadn't. It wasn't before Friday came that Zim realized that something was really wrong.

Zim had asked Dib if he wanted to come over to his place and kiss, but Dib had said no and that he wasn't in the mood to do anything that weekend. Zim had been horrified. What was wrong? Was it Zim? Was it Dib? Was it something else? … Someone else? Zim disliked feeling all this feelings and thinking those things. He didn't know why he did. All he knew was that he was along this Friday night.

"Master?" Gir asked in an unusually quiet voice. "Are you sad?"

Zim looked away from the TV and turned to Gir that was sitting next to him. It was supposed to be Dib sitting next to him! "I'm not sad Gir. I don't get sad. I'm annoyed with Dib! I am supposed to be important to him. Yet, he ignores me! WHY?!"

"We can spy on him!" Gir suggested.

"I know what we can do! Let's spy on him!" Zim grinned.

"Wasn't that what I just said?" the robot wondered, looking a bit confused.

"If you did, I did not hear it."

"Okey dokey!" The two of them sat there in silence for a while. "I know! We can spy on him!" Gir cheered.

"Good idea Gir! Let's go."

Just 30 minutes later Zim and Gir had climbed up the Membrane family's home with Zim's robotic spider legs and was watching through Dib's bedroom window. Zim wasn't sure how to feel about what he saw. Dib was lying on his bed, clutching his pillow. He looked utterly depressed. Dib's sister, Gaz, entered the room and dropped a plate of mouldy pizza in front of her brother.

"How long are you going to be moping about this?" she asked. "You are even more annoying than usual. And dad's bugging me about talking to you since you won't talk to him."

"How can you be so indifferent about this?" Dib cried.

"It's not that big of a deal. Just get used it already."

"I won't!"

"Man, you're as stubborn as that green kid you hang with."

"His name is Zim."

"Whatever. Eat your pizza!"

Dib sat up in the bed and looked down at the food he'd been given. "But it's old!" he shouted after Gaz who was leaving.

"That's what you get for being annoying," she smirked and closed the door shut. Dib sighted and threw the pizza in the trash can. "Oh, by the way," Gaz said as she peeked inside again. "That green kid and his robot thingy climbed up the wall a few minutes ago. I think they're up here." With that she left again.

Confused, Dib jumped off the bed and opened the window. "HELLO!" Gir said loudly and happily as he saw Dib. Zim just smiled innocently, like them being there had a completely rational explanation.

"What are you doing?" Dib asked them.

"We're spying on you!" Gir explained.

"Why?"

"Because Master is worried about you!"

"Really. That's sweet of him."

"I am right here!" Zim growled.

"I see that. You can come inside if you want."

Zim nodded and jumped in along with Gir. The robot picked up the pizza from the trashcan and devoured it in one go. He stood still for a moment, then he started making gagging sounds before he began throwing it all up again. Zim and Dib looked at it in disgust and Dib motioned for Zim to follow him out of the room. They walked into professor Membrane's study. They stood awkwardly for a while. Neither of them was sure of what to say. Zim decided to break the silence.

"WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME!?"

Dib jumped back in surprise. "I-I-I'm not," he stuttered.

"Then what?"

"It's a long story, but I'll try to explain…"

_//FLASHBACK//_

"Son, Daughter!" Professor Membrane said as he entered the house. Gaz and Dib turned to him. This was the second time that month he had appeared in person. It was starting to get weird. "I have some exciting news!" he announced.

"What Dad?" Gaz asked and put down her GS5. (It's been a while)

"Well you see, I forgot that I hadn't taken my womb out, so now I'm pregnant again!" Dib and Gaz just stared shocked at their father.

"… Say what?" Dib said finally.

"Is that all I get?" Membrane wondered.

"Do you know who the… father is this time?" Gaz wondered. Dib was just staring.

"Yes. He is one of my employees. Professor Cerebral. And guess what, we're getting married!"

With that, Dib fainted.

_//END FLASHBACK//_

Zim looked at Dib for a while. "So your father is having a little worm-baby and is getting… what did you call it?"

"Married."

"Married to someone that works for him?"

"That sums it up," Dib smiled vaguely as he sat down on a couch.

"And this is why you're sad? Why do you even care?"

"Why I care? My dad is getting married and having a baby. It'll be a huge change in our lives and he didn't even give us a little warning. I was still in denial when it came to him being gay and giving birth to us. He didn't even have the decency to tell us he was dating someone! If they were dating that is. The baby might be the result of another one night stand he had!"

"What's a one night stand?" Zim wondered.

"Nothing. Just ignore that for now. I'll explain it later."

"So what does that he's getting married mean? Is it painful?"

"No… point is, I'm against it! This professor Cerebral is treating us to dinner tomorrow. He wants to get to know us better."

"That evil fiend."

"YEAH! …that was sarcasm, wasn't it?"

"Yes it was." Zim sat down next to Dib and placed his hand on Dib's shoulder. He'd seen humans do this to comfort on TV. Maybe it worked. "Listen, I'm not going to pretend to know what's going on, but it sounds a little like you're overreacting. Have you even met him yet?"

Dib's expression softened a bit. "You're right. I am overreacting a little. Dad is really happy about this. I shouldn't deny him his happiness, right? And if I don't like him, I'll be moving out and going to college in a few years, anyway."

"What's coll…"

"Ignore that too. I'll explain it all later."

"You'll end up with an awful lot to explain if it continues like this," Zim said, slightly annoyed.

"Take notes if you like."

The door opened slightly and a woozy Gir peeked inside. "I'm not feeling too good…" he whined.

"That's odd. He's not this sensitive towards food usually," Zim said as he studied Gir's clumsy entry.

"Dad did something weird to our fridge a few weeks ago and the mould started acting weird. He should be fine in a day or two… I hope."

"Master! I wanna go home!" Gir cried.

"I better leave. It was tomorrow you were meeting him, right?" Zim asked as he stood and lifted up Gir.

"Yeah, why?"

"Maybe I could come too. For support."

"That would be great Zim. Thanks."

"What's this professor Cerebral's first name?" Zim asked as they began walking downstairs. Dib helped Zim with Gir that was acting up a little.

"It's the same as Dad's actually."

"Oh, that's a little funny."

"I guess. They call each other by the last name to avoid confusion." They reached the front door and Dib opened it for them.

"Just one thing before I go…" Zim said quietly. "Why didn't you tell me right away?"

"I guess I just needed a day to think things over," Dib explained.

"I see. Wait… a day?"

"Yeah?"

"When did this happen exactly?"

"This afternoon. Why?"

"But you have been acting weird since Wednesday! And you didn't want to come over and kiss today!"

"Oh that. Gaz tricked me into eating some mouldy pizza on Wednesday morning. I've been feeling icky 'til after skool today. I was going to call and ask if you wanted to hang out after all, but then, you know, the thing with Dad happened… why is your eye twitching like that?"

"No reason. See you tomorrow." Zim kissed Dib goodbye and left the Membrane family's home.

* * *

Author's random rambling:

I had a dream a few days ago, and I thought: this is genius! I can so use this in my story! Then I woke up and realized it didn't even have anything to do with Zim. It was about McDonalds and not having some ice cream thing… and then there was something about Dr. Cox from scrubs yelling something I also thought was genius, but I can't remember what. Something about planets and the universe. I don't think he ever got to the end because it kept replaying over and over and it always stopped at the same place. And Laguna Loire from Final Fantasy was working as a boss there and owned McDonalds. I have very weird dreams.


	4. Damage to the cerebral cortex

Author's note: This must be the shortest chapter ever! I said before (I think) that it was supposed to be in the previous chapter, not one chapter alone, so actually, in a way it is the longest. The reason for the wait is that I've had 7 big tests in the span of 2 weeks! I was almost brain dead by the end of it and my hand hurt so much, I could barely write anything. Only one more test on Tuesday and then, done! Easter break. Then there's back to the tests… what do I go to skool for again? About the end of this chapter, I had to make it a little odd in the Jhonen Vasques spirit. I'm not sure if Gaz is a little ooc in this chapter… but this is how I see her.

* * *

**The Zim and Dib romance**

**Chapter IV**

**There's som****e damage to the cerebral cortex, but otherwise he's fine…**

Gaz had never liked Dib. Ever since the day she was born she had hated that bigheaded jerk. Or more exactly, on her second day of living. She had been lying in her crib with her stuffed piggie, just sleeping when _he _had come and taken it. Her favorite piggie! And after that, he had just continued to take her stuff. Whether it was food or toys, just taken it! So that her beloved father was having another baby scared her slightly. Not that she would admit that. She hid her insecurities by playing her GS5… and she was also just about to beat the next level. Oh yeah. She was good. Die Zombies! DIE! And yeah, she hid her… what was it again… oh no you didn't just try to kill my character, DIE ZOMBIE!

"Daughter, put your game down. Professor Cerebral will be here soon," her father said to her.

"Just a sec dad," she replied. She beat the boss in 5 seconds, (It was a difficult one) and put the game down.

"Good girl."

On the other side of the table sat her brother and his green friend… whatever his name was. They were in a fancy restaurant where they were going to meet her father's boyfriend for the first time. The one that had made her father pregnant.

"Ah, here he his!" her father exclaimed and stood up. The group turned to the person entering. It was a tall man with dark hair. A pair of huge, thick framed glasses covered half of the man's face, but from what they could see, he seemed handsome enough. He was probably a few years younger than her father, but not much.

"Is that the person who knocked your father up?" the green kid whispered to her brother.

"Yeah, but… where did you learn that expression?" Dib whispered back.

"TV. Did I use it incorrectly?"

"No, but it's a little rude to say it like that. You should say…"

Gaz tuned out. Those two were boring as hell. After talking to a random waiter about something, professor Cerebral walked over to them. Her father greeted him with a polite handshake before the two of them sat down.

"So how are the plans for the nuclear waist removing device coming along, professor Cerebral?" her father asked the man.

"It's going quite well, professor Membrane. Of course, we'll need your assistance with the…"

Okay, that was boring too. Maybe she should tune in on Dib and the green kid again.

"For the last time Zim, it's pudding!"

No. Maybe the table next to them was more interesting.

"Will you marry me Sophia?"

"Alex… I can't. I don't know how to say this but… I'm pregnant with Josh!"

Yuck! GS5 it is.

_And on the other side of the table…_

After explaining pudding to Zim for the eleventh time, Dib turned to professor Cerebral. He didn't like him. There was something about the man that was wrong. Very wrong. (imagine Dib saying this in his overdramatic way. It's funny)

"So, professor Cerebral," Dib started. "Why don't you tell us something about yourself?"

"Of course, Dib! I'm 35. I work for your father and I'm from Greendale," the man smiled.

"That's it? No hobbies or something? What about your family?"

"I enjoy working and my family lives in Greendale." His smile was robotic like. It was creepy. Maybe he was a robot… Dib grabbed a pen, scribbled on a napkin and passed it subtly to Zim. Zim looked at the napkin and raised an eyebrow. He looked at Dib with confused eyes. Dib nodded reassuringly back.

"Are you a robot?" Zim asked professor Cerebral.

"Of course not, little green kid." The man kept smiling his weird smile.

"Don't worry kids. I've seen him without clothes and I can assure you he's not a robot," Membrane chuckled.

"That's disgusting dad!"

"Why is that disgusting?" Zim asked.

"Because it is!"

"So seeing each other naked is disgusting?"

"Yeah… sometimes… but not always…"

"I've seen you naked and I didn't find that disgusting."

"Shut up Zim!"

"Will not!"

_A chair to the right of Dib, a few will nots and will tos later…_

Zim was annoyed. Dib didn't have to take his anger out on him! And of course professor Cerebral couldn't be a robot. Robots could be very realistic, but they couldn't reproduce… as he knew anyway. The man could be a robot. Dib and Cerebral was busy discussing and Membrane was just looking at… something, and Gaz wouldn't notice a bomb going off. Zim slipped under the table and crawled to Professor Cerebral's legs. He grabbed a small ball from his pocket, pushed it and the ball transformed to a table with several instruments. He grabbed his brand new x-ray glasses first and studied the professor's internal organs and bones. Not robotic, but Dib's intuition wasn't usually wrong. He had managed to see through Zim's disguise after all, and he would hate to have some dangerous person living with his Dib. After putting away the glasses he pulled up Cerebral's pant leg before pulling out one of the hairs with some tweezers.

The man's leg twitched. "What was that?" professor Cerebral shrieked.

"What?" all the others, except Gaz who didn't give a damn, asked at once.

"I think someone just pulled one of my leg hairs out…" Cerebral explained.

"NO!" Zim shouted. "It was just a…a… a mouse!"

"Oh, good God. There's mouse in the restaurant!" Membrane exclaimed. With that women began screaming, waiters began to search the floors and a few creepy men in strange suits carrying spray cans with poisonous gasses jumped into the building. Zim took this as his cue to get back into his seat.

"Please evacuate the building! Please evacuate the building! There is a mouse in the building! I repeat, there is a mouse in the building!" a man's voice shouted from some speakers. The people quickly left the building in a panic and the family ended up a few blocks away from the restaurant. While professor Membrane and Cerebral walked a bit away from the kids to call for a taxi, Dib turned to his alien boyfriend.

"You had to say mouse!" he shouted.

"Well, sorry! I couldn't think of something else!" Zim shouted back.

"What were you doing under the table anyway?"

"Confirming that he wasn't a robot."

"Guys?" Gaz asked suddenly. They turned to the girl who was looking confused about. "When did we leave the restaurant?"

* * *

Author's random rambling: I've been reading Jhonen Vasques' livejournal blog. He's quite funny. And while writing the last part I wanted to watch the grim adventures of Billy and Mandy, but the remote was too far away and now my mom took it! I wonder how my teacher would react if I suddenly started writing skool instead of school in English class. I got A in English after all. 


	5. Who are you Cerebral…?

Author's note: To make up for the extremely short chapter before, here's a long one! In the end of this chapter I wrote something I didn't really think about could be offensive, but when I reread it I noticed it. I don't personally feel that it is anything more than a joke (in a way), but if anyone feels that it's out of line, please tell me and I'll remove it. I won't tell what it is though. If you are offended you'll know… hopefully.

The next chapter will probably be the last, unless the plot bunnies from hell decide to bother me again. (They are actually, just with another story.) It's kind of sad. I'll miss writing this. I'll post it sometime next week. I want to go out with a bang, so I'll actually plan it out first.

**The Zim and Dib romance**

**Chapter V**

**Who are you Cerebral…?**

Dib snuck passed the gnomes outside of Zim's house. Once on a distance from them, he made a run for it and jumped up on the stairs. One of the gnomes still notices him, and turned towards him. The gnome's eyes turned red then quickly shot a laser at him that Dib just barely managed to dodge. He jumped back on the lawn, and of course, the other gnomes noticed him as well.

"GIR!" he shouted and got back up on the steps.

"HELLO!" Gir shrieked and swung the door open with such force that he was thrown into one of the gnomes, and they still didn't like that. Dib was kicked over the fence and on to the curb. All this happened too fast for the stupid robot to even notice it.

"WAS THAT DIB?" Dib could hear Zim shout from inside the house.

"There was nobody there. Probably a prank," Gir said.

"GIR!" Dib shouted again. "HELP ME INSIDE!"

Gir skipped through the garden and to the boy lying in a very strange position. "That looks fun! I wanna try too!" Gir laughed and dropped to the ground and attempted to lie like Dib. Of course, it was difficult for the robot since he didn't have a cracked spine…

"Just help me inside, will you?" Dib hissed.

"Okay dokey!" Gir jumped up again and lifted Dib up over his head and carried him to the door. The gnomes were still giving him the evil eye, but at least they didn't attack. Once inside, Gir flushed them both down the kitchen toilet and they ended up in Zim's lab where the alien was preoccupied with the computer.

"What's going on?" Dib asked while rubbing his spine back into place. He had a feeling he had been doing that quite often lately. "It sounded urgent," he added.

"It is, I'm afraid," Zim said, slightly overdramatically. "When I was under the table, investigating professor Cerebral I pulled out a leg hair."

"… why?"

"DNA, my friend," Zim grinned.

"Can I pull out your leg hairs?" Gir asked Dib.

"Not… right now… and is there something about the DNA?" Dib wondered and slowly moved away from Gir.

"Yes. It's creepy."

Dib had to cock an eyebrow at that. "The DNA is creepy?"

"There's something odd with it. I've investigated a lot of human DNA, and I've never seen anything that looks quite like this."

Dib walked closer to the computer to get a better look. The DNA certainly didn't look human. "If Cerebral's not human, then what is he?" Dib asked.

"I've been running a search all night, but the computer hasn't found anything yet and I don't think it will. Even us, the advanced Irkens, need our own organs to survive, yet he had human organs. I can't think of anyone who could do that. I believe that he is some NEW SPECIES!" Zim said, the latter part a little too loudly.

"We have to tell dad about this! My little brother or sister could be some undiscovered alien creature! What if it comes out green?" Zim coughed. "Did I say green? I meant blue. I hate blue."

"Yes, yes, enough. I need to investigate this Cerebral creature more. Can you bring me some nails?"

"… Nails?"

"Toenails preferably."

"Why don't we trail him first? We can see if he does something suspicious and get it on tape. I have a feeling dad is too in love to believe us if we come with just this."

"Good plan my friend who is more important to me than even my bestest friend."

"Can't you just say boyfriend?"

"It doesn't sound that special. A boy who is my friend. I have like… three of those and of them, your name is the only one I can remember…"

"Let's get back on track here. Professor Cerebral gets off work in 30 minutes. If we leave now we can get there before that and follow him."

"Then what are we waiting for my friend who is…"

"Just say boyfriend!"

"I don't like the sound of the word!"

"Can I come spy as well?" Gir, who had been playing with one of his rubber piggies until then, asked.

"NO!" both Zim and Dib said at once.

"Aw, why not?"

"Because you always mess things up," Zim explained.

"Will not! … or, I probably will, but please let me come! Please!"

Zim and Dib looked at each other. "He might be useful…" Dib said, but doubted his own words.

"Fine, you can come, but don't be annoying!" Zim said.

"Yay! I can come spy with you. Let's go!" Gir laughed and went up the hole to the kitchen toilet.

"Now that we're friends, I'd like to point out that having a toilet in your kitchen is very suspicious," Dib said as he and the alien entered the elevator. Neither of them had the ability to jump up were Gir had.

"Oh, shut your noise tube…" Zim mumbled as the elevator doors close.

* * *

Zim stuck his head up from the bush and looked about. "I can't see the creature," he reported to Dib… whose back he was standing on. The three of them was hiding in a large bush outside the Membrane lab. It was cramped and dirty and they could barely see anything because of the large leafs. Due to that, Zim stood on top of Dib's already damaged back. 

"Can you get off me Zim?" Dib asked, annoyed.

"But I can't see anything in the bush!" Zim whined, but still jumped off. Dib stretched his back and the three faced each other.

"Gir, look for a man wearing glasses," Dib said as Gir, who was now wearing his dog costume, crawled out from the bush.

"MASTER!" Gir suddenly shouted and bounced back into it.

"What is it Gir?" Zim asked quickly.

"Why are you so short?" the robot smiled.

"IT'S A SKIN CONDITION!"

"But Zim…" Dib stopped talking when he saw the glare of death sent his way. "Oh look, he's coming out!" Dib turned back to the entrance and genuinely forgot how close he was to death. Professor Cerebral walked quickly down the stairs and stopped there to look at his watch. "He's supposed to meet dad at our house in 15 minutes. He's running late, so he'll probably take the shortcut through the park."

"You know where he's going? Then why are we following him?"

"To see if he does something suspicious on the way. He's moving!" Dib pulled his camera up from his bag and turned it on. "It's Monday and day one of operation who are you Cerebral!"

"That's the name of the operation?" Zim asked. "It's stupid!"

"Got anything better?"

"… shut you noise tube…"

As Dib expected, the man walked through the park. Zim and Dib followed him closely all the way. Gir disappeared at some point… In the middle of the park, the man managed to drop his suitcase and as he bent down to pick it up, Zim felt a small spot on his head beginning to burn.

"GAAAH! LIQUID OF PAIN AND AGONY!!!" he shouted and began screaming.

"Shut up Zim!" Dib hushed and handed the alien an umbrella. Zim quickly opened it and bent down so it could cover his entire body. "Let's hope he didn't hear us," Dib said and turned back to Cerebral. It quickly began to pour and Zim got more and more nervous. Professor Cerebral looked up at the sky and began to… melt? Both Dib and Zim stared in shock as the professor's body melted until it disintegrated completely and blended into the earth.

"That was weird…" Zim finally said when the shock had died.

"At least we got it on tape. I won't believe it before I see it one more time myself." Dib looked at his camera and started to rewind it to make sure he got it all. "The tape turned out great. Let's go back and show it…"

"HELLO!" Gir shouted and jumped down on Dib's back. A mix of the shock and impact caused Dib to loose grip of the camera and it went flying through the air. Zim jumped out into the rain to catch it but it landed with a crash right in front of him and broke into hundreds of pieces.

"IT BURNS!" Zim cried and ran back to the safety of the umbrella.

"GIR! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Dib yelled at Gir.

"Maybe we can fix it," Gir suggested sweetly. As on cue, three kids ran past them and made sure to trample all over the camera until no part was intact. "Sorry," he sniffled.

"Forget it. We'll go tell dad." The three of them ran through the park and was only slightly delayed by Zim's need to hide under the umbrella. They slammed the door open as they reached Dib's house and ran into the living room.

"Dad!" Dib called out, but before he could say anything else, shock silenced him. Zim was just as quiet.

"Hello son," professor Membrane smiled.

"Hello Dib, green boy," professor Cerebral greeted just after.

"…But…"

"Didn't he just melt?" Gir asked and pointed at Cerebral.

"Melt?" both professors asked confused.

"That's right! We spied on him as he walked through the park! When it started to rain, he melted!"

"Are you sure it was me? I didn't walk through the park. I took a cab." He smiled his creepy smile.

"Well… yeah I'm…"

"Don't think about it Dib. It was probably just someone that looked like him that you saw melting," Membrane said. "Now, why don't you three go up and play in your room? Tell Gaz there's dinner in one hour."

"Yeah. Okay…" Dib grabbed Zim's hand and pulled him with him. Gir waved goodbye to the professors before bouncing after them. Up in Dib's room, Dib placed Zim on the bed and Gir found himself a nice spot on his desk.

"We saw him melt!" Zim said suddenly.

"I know, and I know it was him. The only explanation must be…"

"Many Cerebrals?" Gir suggested while moving his feet a little back and forth.

"That's it! But how is that possible?" Dib sat down next to Zim.

"It's a mystery!" Gir giggled.

"If it wasn't for Gir we'd have evidence too," Dib said and sent the robot a glare.

"Don't blame me. You were the ones that brought me."

"Can't argue with that," Zim sighted. Dib joined him on the bed and lay down with his head on Zim's lap. Zim was a little confused about the human's actions, but since he didn't hate it, he let it be.

"Many Cerebrals?" Dib said while looking up at Zim. "Maybe they are some kind of alien species that is unknown because it hides with whatever population it's infiltrating."

"Sounds like a good theory…" Zim unconsciously started to run his fingers through Dib's hair. "But why target your father?"

"I don't know. He is the smartest human on the planet."

"Do you want me to leave?" Gir suddenly asked.

The two boys looked wondering at the robot. "Why would we want you to leave?" Dib asked him.

"I saw a movie once, and they acted like you and then they had sex." Dib shot up from Zim's lap. The shade or red on his face could put any tomato to shame. Zim, however, was rather confused. He could vaguely remember to have heard of sex at some point, but he had never cared enough to investigate more.

"Why would we be having this sex thing? I don't even know what it is," Zim said to Gir.

"And we haven't been dating long enough to go that far," Dib added. Zim turned quickly to Dib.

"This is something lovers do?"

"Yes… most of the time anyway."

"Then let's do it!"

"I said we haven't been dating long enough yet. And besides, I'm not totally sure you can…"

"Excuse me, but I, the mighty ZIM, can do anything!"

"Maybe not this. Although it's mostly just for pleasure, sex is how we reproduce, you see? I'm not sure you have the right… equipment for it."

Zim though for a moment. "What equipment do I need?"

"First of all, a penis."

"You mean that wiggly thing between your legs?"

"… yeah…"

"I have one of those."

"You also need a hole in the butt!" Gir explained.

"What kind of movies have you been watching Gir?" Dib wondered, slightly horrified.

"WAIT!" Zim interrupted. "What do I need a hole in the butt for?" he asked Gir.

"So that Dib can put his wiggly thing in it!"

"Seriously Gir, what have you been watching!?"

"Shut up Dib! This is interesting… wait, why can't I put my wiggly thing in Dib?" Dib and Gir looked at Zim for a few seconds. Both of them were looking a little shocked by the thought. Then they burst into laughter. "WHAT!"

"Nothing, just hard to imagine you topping," Dib giggled while wiping away some laughing tears.

"Unless it's with his legs spread scream DIB DIB!" Gir laughed while jumping up and down on the desk and moaning.

"Again, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING!? … And don't do that on my desk!"

Gir stopped and smiled a dumb smile before jumping off and bouncing to the bed. "SORRY!" he screamed extremely loudly and jumped up and sat down between the two boys.

"Let's talk about this some other time. We need to discuss Cerebral," Dib said while rubbing his ears to make them stop ringing.

"Don't wanna!" Gir whined.

"We should keep spying on him," Dib continued. "I have a whole bunch of cameras so Gir can come along as well." Gir cheered a little by himself. "Cerebral has to do something weird at some point. We just have to get it on tape and prove it!"

"Why is it weird to imagine me top?" Zim asked.

"Zim… fine, let's finish talking about that first."

"Yay!" Gir smiled.

* * *

During the next two weeks, they had seen Cerebral's tongue beginning to sizzle while eating ice cream, his hair catching on fire when a pigeon sat down on it, a dog ripping off his arm and at some point his fingers fell off while eating tacos. Yet, the next time they saw him, he was just fine. And of course, professor Membrane never noticed and also of course, they never got proof. It was usually Gir's fault, but they couldn't completely blame the robot for everything either. One time, Dib had forgotten to put a film in the camera and another time, Zim had seen a Chihuahua and thrown the camera after it because he thought it was evil. Feeling quite defeated, the three of them sat down on Dib's couch and watched Mysterious Mysteries. Gaz walked into the room and looked questioningly at them. 

"What's wrong with you guys?" she asked them.

"We can't prove that Cerebral is an alien," Dib explained.

"He's an alien too? Well, whatever, anyone seen my GS5?" Dib shoved his hand under the couch cushions, grabbed the GS5 and handed it to her. "Thanks. Now go die or something. Your moping is making me depressed."

She was about to leave the room when their father entered quickly. "Son, can I talk to you in private?" he asked him. Since it wasn't about her, she didn't care after all and left.

"Sure dad. What's wrong?"

Professor Cerebral pushed Zim and Gir to the other end of the couch and sat down next to Dib. "It's about Cerebral."

"Really?" Dib asked, trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

"Yes. It's only a week to the wedding now, but it's like something is wrong with him. Ever since the dinner we had he's been acting differently."

"How?"

"First of all, he doesn't want to have sex anymore."

"Ew…"

"If it was just that, I wouldn't think too much about it. I'm getting fatter after all and nobody likes fat people, but there are also these little things."

"Like what?"

"Well, he goes to the bathroom a lot and stays there for a very long time, he's often late for our appointments and then there was that time he touched a cat and all his hair fell off. He just seems different."

"Dad, I already told you, he's an alien! ...or something!"

"Son, not that again. He's probably just nervous about the wedding. Thanks for listening, but I don't want to hear anymore of this he's an alien creature thing again."

"But dad!"

"What did I just say?"

"Sorry."

"I have to go back to work, see you at the wedding son. And feel free to invite that green kid you hang out with all the time."

"It's ZIM!" Zim shouted but professor Membrane was already out of the room.

Dib got off the couch and looked at Zim with serious eyes. "We're running out of time Zim. We have to find out what Cerebral is, and that quickly. I can't let dad marry him!"

Zim and Gir nodded. They were dead set on this, but considering their past failures, it was going to be difficult…

* * *

Author's random rambling: I'm writing a Kingdom hearts/final fantasy/Devil may cry fic, so if anyone like those games or just the thought of a pregnant man (Cloud), please keep an eye out for a story called Turks. It's really AU. Turks are something completely else in my story. They're kind of like a cooler CSI team… 


	6. One tiny, tiny extra chapter

Author's note: A little extra chapter. There might be another one of these. I don't want to finish writing the last chapter. That would mean that it's over! I really like this story. This will be the shortest complete story I have, I just found out. 

* * *

**The Zim and Dib romance**

**One**** tiny, tiny extra chapter**

**A random event that happened one year ago**

This is the story of a random event in Zim and Dib's life that may very well have been one of the first signs of love. It all started a few days after they started their freshman year in high skool. When it came to skool, Zim and Dib turned out to have very different interests in what they wanted to learn. Zim, who at the time was eager to conquer earth, was very interested in things like social science and earth literature and chose classes according to that. Dib on the other hand, was eager to please his father and to learn about science, or as it later turned out, to correct all the teacher's mistakes. Because of that, they ended up with only one class together. Computers for dummies. They were both computer geniuses, but after a while, when Zim tried to use Microsoft word and Dib couldn't help, they realized they had both kind of skipped the basic stuff about earth computers and was therefore in this class with a slightly insane male teacher. 

"You will all be given a personal laptop to use for skool projects. NOTHING ELSE! If you install any unneeded software on your laptops, YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE CLASSROOM UNDER THE FLOOR! Understood?" The class nodded weakly. "Good. Now the first thing we will do is make a password. Minimum three letters. Maximum ten. NOTHING MORE! NOTHING LESS!" The class quickly typed in their passwords. "I need coffee now. DON'T LEAVE YOUR SEATS!" He wiped the sweat of his forehead and stomped out of the classroom. 

"So, what's your password?" Dib asked Zim quietly. 

"Irk-rocks. What's yours?"

"I won't tell you."

Zim's eye twitched. "Huh? But I just told you MINE!" 

"I didn't force you too say it." 

"You lie! You… liar! Tell me your password!"

"Too late. The teacher is back," Dib chuckled. 

Zim turned to the teacher that was glaring at them for talking. "I will find out what it is Dib-thing. Trust me. I wiiiiiiill."

"Good luck with that."

"Thank you, but I don't need it. I already have an absolutely genius plan to find out." 

"Looking forward to it Zim." The two boys chuckled evilly by themselves while their classmates sent confused looks their way. 

**After skool, at Zim's house**

"Angry monkey, angry monkey…" Gir hummed. He was sitting on the couch with a piggie next to him when Zim entered the house. Zim walked passed him and jumped down the trashcan in the kitchen and landed on the chair in his lab. He took out the laptop from his bag and hooked it to the computer. 

"What do you want me to do with this?" the computer asked, confused.

"I want you to find the password. Before we left class, I discreetly swapped computers with Dib. I shall figure out his password, even if it kills me!" 

"I can't gain access to this computer."

"Huh? Why not?"

"I need the password."

"… You need the password to find the password?"

"Not really, but finding the password will take about two days."

"Two days? How can it take two days? It's just a skool laptop! How much security can it have?" 

"Surprisingly much."

"You can't spend two days! I have to return it tomorrow or Dib will notice that I switched. Aren't there any way to find out sooner?" 

"You could do it manually."

"Manually?" 

"You know, try out different ones until you get it right."

"But that could take FOREVER!" 

"Faster than the other way."

"… Fine. Help me with suggestions."

"No can do. Got an online poker tournament. Call me if you need me. Bye."

"Annoying. Well, no time to waste. Let's see, what would that worm-baby use as a password. Membrane? No… Cat? No… piggie? No…"

**15 hours later**

"Tarzan? No… Circle? No…" 

"Good morning master. Time for skool!" the computer informed. 

"Curse you Dib! It seems that you have won this battle, but never again! I mean it! Never again!" 

**At skool…**

Zim sat down next to Dib and wondered how to swap the computers once more. "Did you find out the password?" Dib asked.

"No… wait… How did you KNOW?"

"You said, 'look at that moose' and then took it before I could turn away. Besides, even if I hadn't noticed right away, don't you think there would be a chance that I'd try to access the computer at home?"

"I don't like that you know mine and I don't know yours!"

"Then change yours."

"… but I like my password."

"Then keep it. I'm not gonna try to get into that computer. I'm much more interested in the one in your lab… what's the password to that one?"

"Zimrulestheworld… NO! You tricked me again!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dib giggled. 

"You… you FIEND! You smelly human of flesh eating molecules!"

"What?"

"You stinky piggie that smell of dog dookie!" 

"Okay, that's just wrong…"

"You corn eating freak!"

"But I don't like corn…"

"You… YOU…!"

"Shut up kid!" the teacher shouted. "Do you want to be sent to the classroom under the floor?" 

"No sir," Zim replied meekly. 

"Then quiet! Now start your computers. Today we're going to learn how to make a new folder!" 

Dib pressed the power button and soon he had to type in his password. "Zim," he whispered and the alien turned to him. "The password is your name."

"What?"

"Your name. Zim is the password."

"Why would you use my name?" 

"Who knows. Just the first thing that came to my mind." 

"Oh. Okay then. I feel honored."

"You're welcome." The two of them continued the class in silence… or as silent as Zim could be. And that was the short story of a random even in Zim and Dib's lives. 


	7. And Cerebral is

I had huuuge troubles uploading this chapter. It said it was an error, but I couldn't imagine what it was. Eventually, I uploaded another document and copied and pasted. I feel that the conclusion is a little... anticlimactic, but this was the plan from the first time I came up with a plot. I'd like to dedicate this story to ml90 who has suported me and approved the chapters. I'd also like to thank those of you who bothered to read the entire thing. Thank you. And a special thanks to those who reviewed. There will probably be a oneshot sequel. I just have to figure out what it's supposed to be about. 

**The Zim and Dib romance **

**Chapter VI **

**And Cerebral is! … **

It was horrible in every way. They hadn't come up with a single thing to prove that professor Cerebral was a… something and they hadn't found out what something he was. No matter how many weird things that happened, Dib's father was either out of sight or he just didn't notice because he was too busy with something else… like making toast. The wedding was the next day! Dib was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and just thought about things. His thoughts weren't coherent at all though. It was switching from how he was supposed to handle the upcoming wedding, getting a new younger sibling, how to expose Cerebral and how to act around Zim who had grown a huge interest for sex. He turned to lie on his stomach. It was just too much for him, and Zim wasn't aware at all that he made it worse. Someone quietly knocked on his door. 

"Come in," he said and turned to the person entering. 

"Hello son. May I talk to you?" professor Membrane asked. Dib nodded weakly and the professor walked over and sat down on the bed next to him. "I'm just a little worried about tomorrow. Cold feet I guess." 

"You should have cold feet. After all he's an alien… thing." 

"Again with that son. I have come to accept that you are insane and love you anyway, but I don't want you accusing Cerebral of such things." 

"Dad, you said yourself that he has changed, right?" 

"But he's not an alien or robot." 

"I doubt he's a robot too. Zim ran a lot of tests…" 

"Son!" 

"Sorry." 

"Anyway, I know that it's short notice, but would you like to be my best man?" 

Dib sat up straight. "Your best man? What happened to professor Urunum?" 

"Nothing much. He ate at some bad taco place and now he think he's a car." 

"… Okay." 

"What do you say, Dib?" 

"It would be an honour… I guess. But I kind of don't want you to marry him." 

"Don't worry. Nothing will change. There will just be two more people living here," Membrane smiled. 

"That's quite a big change dad. Anyway, what do you need me to do tomorrow?" 

"Here is a list," Membrane said and handed him a sheet of paper. Dib looked through it briefly. 

"Well, this doesn't look too bad." 

"What? Oh, that's Gaz's list." Membrane took it back and tucked it inside his coat. "Here is yours." Dib was handed a scroll that turned out to be ridiculously long as one end rolled across Dib's room and didn't end before it reached the hallway. 

"You got to be kidding me." 

"No. See you tomorrow son. Good night." Membrane patted his son's head and left the room quickly. 

"Guess I won't be getting any sleep tonight," Dib mumbled as he began reading the endless list of doom. 

* * *

Zim was busy typing on his computed as Gir entered Zim's lab. Zim turned to the robot that was carrying a large box. 

"What is that Gir?" Zim asked and jumped off his chair. Gir walked over to him and put the box down. 

"A guy came over with it. He said it was from Dib." 

"Oh right. Dib said he was sending me some clothes to wear at the wedding. Apparently I didn't have the right attire. Gir, open the box!" 

"Yes sir!" Gir ripped open the box and let his master take the content out. "A penguin costume?" Gir asked as he looked at the suit. 

"No Gir. It's a… what did Dib call it again… An ux." 

"Ux? Did he mean axe?" Gir asked confused. 

"I don't know. It doesn't look like an axe. It's some kind of earthian ceremonial clothes. It's worn on special occasions such as weddings and funerals. This is one of Dib's old ones." 

"From when he was 10," Gir said.

"Excuse me?" 

"It's a picture in the box. It says Dib 10 years on it." Gir handed the picture over to Zim who snatched it from him. As Gir said, it was a picture of Dib when he was 10 and he was wearing the ux Zim was holding. 

"Why do you mock ME! The mighty ZIM!" 

"Who's mocking you…" 

"I will have none of this! By tomorrow I will invent a great… invention that will make me as big as Dib!" 

"Who are you talking to master…?" 

"Then I shall no longer be seen as short! NO LONGER! I'll be just as tall as Dib... NO! TALLER! I will be the tallests in the Irken empire!" 

"But then the ux won't fit anymore." 

"… true…" Zim thought it over for a few seconds. "I guess I'll just wear lifts or something." 

"I like plateau shoes!" 

"I won't wear that Gir." 

"Can I?" 

"Sure Gir, a lot of dogs wear plateau shoes." 

"Okay dokay!" Gir squealed and suddenly fell over and started sleeping on the floor. 

"Computer! Get a mirror ready." The wall opened and a large mirror came out from it. Zim took off his regular clothes and put on the ux. He didn't look bad. Not bad at all actually. And with some lifts he would be taller and then Dib wouldn't have to bend over so much when kissing him. "Computer!" 

"Yes?" the computer answered. 

"I have decided to tell Dib about the big secret. The one I have not dared to tell anyone about. Not even you, computer. The big…" 

"You mean the secret that your mission on earth is in fact not real and that the tallests' just sent you here because you were really annoying?" 

"Yes, computer. That secret. Oh and how I found out... It makes my skin crawl. 

_/Yet another flashback…/ _

"… and that's about it, my tallests," Zim said as he finished his talk with the tallests. 

"Oh, already?" Purple asked surprised. "Well, okay then. Bye!" Purple waved goodbye and pushed a button. "Man, we have snacks for another two hours. He doesn't usually stop talking about… whatever he talks about, for five." 

"Just be glad he got it over with quickly today," Red sighted. 

"Yeah. He's so short! Can you believe he still doesn't get that we sent him to Earth just to get rid of him?" Purple laughed. 

"Yeah, he's pretty stupid… and annoying." Red looked a bit around. "Hey, we're all alone here." 

"EW! You wanna do it everywhere! Is a little decency too much to ask for?" Purple whined. 

"Don't be such a prude. Now, lubricate your antennas!" 

"But I don't wanna do it now!" 

"My tallests?" Both aliens turned to the screen. "You pushed the wrong button," Zim said. 

"Oh… you didn't see this!" Red shouted and ended the transmission. 

_/This flashback has ended/ _

"That really hurt me," Zim sniffed. "But that's in the past! I am an earthling now, computer, and I am ready to accept that and tell Dib, and together, we shall protect this ball of mud and liquid of pain and agony!" 

"You mean water…" 

"LIQUID OF PAIN AND oh just forget it… I bought some wedding videos. I'm going upstairs to see how weddings work. Farewell, computer!" 

"I'm in the entire house…" 

"YOU'RE LYING! Gir!" 

"Yes sir!" the robot said as it jumped up. 

"Come with me and we shall analyze the wedding videos together!" 

"Yes Sir!" Gir followed Zim into the elevator and they went upstairs. 

* * *

"NO! You can't put the flowers there! It got to be over by the fountain!" Dib shouted at a poor decorator. "Move!" As Gaz came over, the poor decorator was running away from the boy. The wedding was being held in the local park and since it wasn't much of a sight to begin with, they had to put flowers everywhere to cover all the graffiti. The ceremony itself would be held under the open sky in the middle of the park, while the dinner would be in a large, white tent they had put up right by. Their father was walking about not too far away from them, admiring the work. 

"Wow Dib. You're actually doing a good job. Who would have though," Gaz smirked. 

"SHUT UP GAZ! I haven't slept all night and I'm high on red bull and energy bars. Do NOT piss me off. YOU HEAR ME!?" 

Gaz stared at her brother for a long time. "Dad! Dib is acting weird!" she finally shouted and ran towards her father. 

"Are there dead people walking around again?" Membrane asked her. 

"No dead people. Just many annoying living ones," Gaz explained. 

"Oh, okay then. Go greet people with your charming smile now," he said and gave her a light push to where she was supposed to stand. 

Dib was looking through the to-do-list for the tenth time, making sure he hadn't missed anything. "Okay, I think I got everything now. Unless there's something written on the back…" Dib giggled at first, but quickly got nervous and flipped the page. Ten things. "You got to be kidding… well, these are all things that can be taken care of quickly… oh crap…" 

**

* * *

**

Zim and Gir walked towards the wedding area. It was certainly more beautiful than the park used to be. Gir sniffed everyone and everything in sight, acting unusually much like a genuine dog. The disguise would be perfect if it weren't for those plateau shoes. Zim was wearing the ux he had gotten from Dib and was 3 inches taller. He couldn't wait for Dib to see him. He looked gorgeous. 

"Zim! Thank God you're here!" Dib exclaimed as the boy suddenly appeared next to him and unexpectedly, Zim found himself being dragged away from the crowd. "Zim, I need you to do something for me," Dib explained. "The rings are in Dad's office. I was supposed to get them, but I didn't notice it because it was the absolutely last thing he had written on his endless list! One would think that would be the first. Anyway, I don't have time, so you have to do it. It should only take 10 minutes. Now go!" 

"Alright, but don't you notice something different today?" Zim smiled. 

"Not really. Now go! Nooo! I said by the fountain! The fountain!" Dib stormed off, leaving a bewildered Zim alone. 

"That was really rude. He didn't even say anything about my handsomeness. It's not like he even wants them to get married. Gir!" 

"Yes?" Gir asked and somersaulted over to him. 

"We have to get some rings for the Dib. Let's go." Zim put the leash on Gir's collar and dragged him along as they left the park. It didn't take long before they reached the office building they had been at quite often those last weeks, spying on Cerebral. He had never actually entered however. "Curse you Dib, for making me do all these… things for you! I'll have my revenge! I'll do something… revengy! … What are you doing Gir?" 

Gir had dragging Zim towards some trashcans without the alien noticing, and was studying something he had found on the ground. "I found some glasses!" Gir smiled. 

"So?" Zim asked and snatched them away from Gir. "Wait… these glasses looks familiar. Where have I seen them before?" 

"Aren't they melting guy's glasses?" Gir asked. 

"That right! They are Cerebral's glasses. And when I think about it, the guy we saw on our way over here, you know, the one that kept walking into that tree, looked a lot like Cerebral without his glasses." 

"His eyes were boiling. That was fun to watch." 

"This is weird. Why didn't he pick them up? If I understand correctly, some humans, like Dib, needs glasses because they can't see properly without them. Leaving them here would be illogical. It would be…" 

"HI Cerebral!" Gir shouted, interrupting Zim. 

"Hello kids," Cerebral greeted as he passed them. He was wearing his glasses and looked fine, but the place he came from was not the office. He disappeared into the park and Zim turned to look at the door he came from. It belonged to the building next to the Membrane office. The building was ugly and for some reason the door was on the side, next to the trash instead of the front. They walked over and slowly opened the door. As Zim looked inside, he saw a large, yet rather empty lab. The room was dark and the only source of light came from a big glass container in the middle of the room. 

"What's this?" Zim wondered and entered the area. As he got in further he noticed another person there who was locked in a cage. "Professor Cerebral?" he asked as he walked closer. 

"Yes, but… who are you?" Cerebral asked. The cage was small and chained to the wall. He barely had any room to move in there. 

"I'm Zim, don't you remember. I'm the green kid that hangs out with professor Membrane's son all the time." 

"Membrane… how I miss him. You have to help me, little green kid. I will explain on the way, just help me out so that I can stop him from marrying one of those!" 

"One of those?" 

"Like I said, I'll explain on the way. Hurry!" 

* * *

Dib was impatiently pacing back and forth. The ceremony was about to start and Zim hadn't arrived yet. His father and Cerebral would start walking up that isle any minute now and he didn't have the rings! And why did he suddenly want them to marry so much? Wouldn't ruining the wedding be a good thing? 

"What are being all nervous about?" Gaz asked him. 

"I don't have the rings!" he whispered. 

"Seriously? Dad's gonna kill you. I've been waiting for this day…" 

"Oh, shut up." 

"Start the music!" Gaz suddenly shouted and the pianist they had hired began playing. She stopped Dib from saying anything to interfere by choking him. The ceremony began. Membrane and Cerebral took each others hands and began walking to the altar. 

"But I don't have the rings, Gaz!" Dib cried to his sister as she let go. 

"I don't care." 

Dib had to think of something to stall the wedding with, but what. Membrane and Cerebral reached the altar and the priest got ready to talk. 

"Do you, Professor…" 

"STOP THE WEDDING!" Zim shouted. They all turned to the alien. "That isn't the real Cerebral. This is! …I think at least." Professor Cerebral walked closer so that everyone could see him. 

"Cerebral!" Membrane said excitedly and pushed the impostor away. It landed in a puddle in front of Gaz and Dib and melted. "I knew something mysterious had happened," Membrane continued. 

"No, you didn't," Dib pointed out, but Cerebral and Membrane was already too captured in each other's gazes to notice anything else. "But Wait! Why is there a bunch of Cerebral's walking around?" Dib asked and ran closer to them. 

Cerebral turned to Dib and started to explain. "Well, the thing is…" 

"It was I!" someone shouted from the crowd. A short, fat and old man with a gray moustache bigger than Dib's head. There was a huge bald spot on his head and surrounding it was a nest of messy hair. 

"Professor Gustatory!?" Membrane exclaimed. "But why? And how?" 

"I'll answer how first. I stole the cloning thingamajig you made and had hidden in your attic, and attempted to improve it. Once I had done that, I captured professor Cerebral, and when I had created a perfect clone I was going to kill him! Sadly, the clones kept melting whenever they came in contact with water and they lost limbs when they ate so I had to keep him alive to make new ones." 

"Why didn't you just kill him and just use a hand or something for DNA?" Dib asked. 

"Well I… you see… it was… oh, Just shut up you… big nosed boy!" 

"Great. I finally grow into my head and now my nose is big…" 

"And now I'll answer why. Because I want the Membrane empire!" 

"We have an empire?" Gaz asked her father while getting her GS5 out of her bag. 

"Well, yes. I am the richest and most powerfullest person on earth!" 

"What? Since when?" Dib asked, sounding quite shocked. "And that sentence was a little redundant." 

"Since I invented the SuperDuperToast!" 

"That's what made you rich?"

"And if we're rich, why are we still living in that crappy house?" Gaz added. 

"Well, it would be such a hassle to move all my lab stuff. If you want, I could buy a Jacuzzi." 

"All right!" Dib and Gaz cheered. 

"What's a Jacuzzi?" Zim asked Dib. 

"It's a… oh… Hey, dad. You don't think you could invent some kind of water that won't burn Zim, right?" 

"I'll see what I can do son." 

"HEY!" Professor Gustatory shouted. 

"Oh right. I forgot about you," Dib said. 

"Please continue," Membrane smiled. 

"Thank you. BY MARRYING the Cerebral clone with Membrane, the clone would inherit everything when I killed Membrane and his kids." 

"That's evil!" Membrane said loudly. 

"And smart. Why didn't I think of that when I was still trying to take over the world?" Zim wondered. 

"Then after the clone had inherited everything, I would make the clone give everything to me, and I would be the richest, smartest and most powerfullest man alive!" 

"That's nonsense!" Membrane laughed. "Someone who can't even make a simple cloning thingamajig would bring the Membrane Empire to its fall." 

"What? You couldn't make one either!" 

"Of course I can make one. The one you stole sounds like the one my son made for a science project when he was six." 

"That's right. I wondered what happened to that…" Dib said. "And the only reason it didn't work properly was because dad wouldn't let me use the radioactive materials." 

"Yeah, cloning is pretty basic stuff," Zim added. "It's one of the first things we learn on Irk… I mean… the Irk… boarding… skool." 

"I should make a clone…" Gaz mumbled by herself. "Wouldn't need to go to these stupid things anymore."

"Well, just because I can't make a cloning machine doesn't mean I'm stupid!" Professor Gustatory complained. 

"Actually, the only reason I kept you around was so that I could have someone to fire whenever Dib decided to start studying real science and not all the paranormal stuff," Membrane explained. 

"And revealing yourself like you did was also pretty dumb," Zim said. 

"What do you mean? Wasn't Cerebral just about to expose me?" Gustatory asked. 

"No, I had no idea," Cerebral chuckled. "If you hadn't said anything, you would've walked free." 

"And now instead, you will be arrested and we will continue the wedding as planned," Membrane laughed. "Somebody should call the police by the way." The crowd started to laugh loudly and soon after, professor Gustatory was arrested and Cerebral was getting ready for the wedding. 

Zim and Dib were standing by themselves a little away from the rest, just enjoying some peace, although that peace was suddenly broken by Zim's phone. He flipped it opened and looked at it. "The real Cerebral is human," he informed and put the phone back in his pocket. 

"How do you know?" 

"I teleported one of Cerebral's hairs to my computer and it just sent me a text message that it was human." 

"Your computer sent you a text message? That's so cool! I wish mine could do that. I tried it once, but it just kept sending me confused smilies." 

"Mine sent angry ones." 

"You look really handsome in a tux by the way." 

"Thank you," Zim smiled. He was quite pleased now.

"And are you taller?" 

"Yes. Yes I am. I invented a…" 

"You're using lifts." 

"You're ly… oh… who cares. You know, I'm kind of getting sick of saying that." 

"You're weird sometimes… but I love you." 

"I luuuurve you too." 

"What?" 

"What?" 

"Anyway, I've kind of gotten used to the thought of dad getting married, and now that I know Cerebral's human, I'm happy for them." 

"Yeah… now that you've opened up and everything, I would like to confess something to you as well. You see, I'm not really on a mission. The tallest…" 

"Sent you away because you were annoying and the mission isn't real." 

"What? How did you know?" 

"Gir told me." 

"How did Gir know?" 

"The computer told him." 

"How did the computer know?"

"You're kidding, right?" 

"Huh?" 

"Son! Green boy!" Membrane called out. "The wedding is starting soon. Get ready!"

"Okay dad. We'll be right there," Dib shouted back. "You got the rings right?" he asked Zim. 

"Um… does bringing the groom count?" 

"Zim!" 

"I'll get them, you stall!" Zim said, slightly annoyed and ran for it. 

"Hurry!" 

"YOU SHUT YOUR SPONGE CONTAINMENT ROOM!" 

Dib just stood there quietly as Zim ran. "What?" 

**4 months later...**

Zim ran up the hospital stairs with Gir right behind him. Dib and Gaz were sitting on a couch in the long, white hallway. Dib was nervously twirling his thumbs while Gaz was just sitting calmly with her GS5. "How is your parental unit?" Zim asked as he reached them. Gir waved happily at them and jumped up on the couch where he fell asleep. 

"He's fine. He and Cerebral are right in there," Dib said and pointed at a door not too far away. He got up from the couch and stretched a little. 

"We can hear him scream now and then," Gaz chuckled. 

"Scream? Does giving birth hurt?" 

"I guess, but I've been thinking that it must be worth it. I mean, think about how wonderful it must feel to hold your child in your arms for the first time. It gives you a whole different perspective of things…" 

"OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! HIS HEAD FEELS AS BIG AS DIB'S!" they suddenly heard Membrane scream. 

"We're never having sex again, Dib," Zim said bluntly. Just two painful hours later, Professor Membrane gave birth to a healthy, big headed boy who didn't seem to like Zim very much… 

The end 

And I'm evil, aren't I?


	8. How I fell in love with you

**Authors note:** Although you can't tell right away… or before the ending, this is actually a funny chapter. I was considering making this a separate one-shot, but when finished, I felt that it belonged as a kind of epilogue. The story of how Membrane and Cerebral met and fell in love.

**How I fell in love with you**

Professor Membrane had never been a romantic man. To him, science had always been the main focus. He had to admit, although he loved them more than anything, Gaz and Dib were mainly experiments when he planned to have them. He spent all his time in his lab, either at work or at home, and he had been happy like that… until now. Professor Cerebral was a very capable man and an excellent scientist, so Membrane had thought he was just impressed at first. Cerebral had messy brown hair and wore large square glasses. He had a quirky smile and a sweet laugher. He had worked at his lab for a month when he realized that he was in love.

The entire lab was working on an alternative fuel that didn't pollute. They were almost at a breakthrough and everyone was working late everyday to finish it. One late night however, it was only Membrane and Cerebral left. They were both working on each their machine. Membrane kept glancing at Cerebral. He was so focused on his work. His hair kept falling into his eyes and he would occasionally mumble something about needing to cut it. He was so adorable.

Membrane turned back to his own work. He had to focus, but it was hard with such a person next to him. Cerebral yawned suddenly. "You can leave if you want to," Membrane told. "It must be dull being here. You are at an age where you probably have a family as well, right?"

"I don't have one, so it's okay. I don't have anything more interesting to do. Don't you have children?"

"I have two. Dib and Gaz. Lovely children. Dib is a little insane, but he'll get over it… or that is what I keep telling myself at least. He's so obsessed with the paranormal, he doesn't want anything to do with science. He was able to clone his hamster at the age of 4. Such a waist of talent."

"Sure is. You could always have another one."

"I have no one to have a child with at the moment."

"Oh… I see." Cerebral smiled before continuing his work. Membrane had to admit that he blushed at this point. It was such a long time since he had done that. Once again he tried focusing on his work. The fuel wasn't working. Maybe if he added some Hydroglyxsontphi, but that could be very explosive if treated carelessly… oh well.

He walked over to the cabinet where they kept all the chemicals. He found it and made his way back. Carefully, he poured the yellowish liquid into the fuel. Then Cerebral stretched, exposing a little of his hips and belly as he raised his arms. He didn't notice the liquid overflowing before it was too late.

"Cerebral, watch out!" Membrane shouted and pulled the man with him out of the room. A huge explosion threw out the door. It landed on top of them, but Membrane was able to protect the beautiful man currently lying underneath him.

"Are you alright, professor Membrane?" Cerebral asked while helping Membrane up.

"Yes, but more importantly, are you?"

"Yes, thank you," Cerebral blushed. Membrane gently brushed away the dust from the other man's shoulders. "I should rent a motel room for the night. I don't want to get on the subway looking like this," Cerebral smiled gently.

"You live far away?"

"Yes. I can't afford anything closer. I'm saving up money, though."

"You can't get a loan? What about your family?" The two of them moved closer to each other.

"My family died when I was young. Our home, which I had grown up in, burned down and I was the only one who survived."

"How awful."

"… it's unlike you to do a mistake like you did? What caused it?" Cerebral was whispering now. His voice sounded so hot. It was turning him on.

"Looking at you distracted me, I'm afraid." Membrane moved closer and kissed his lips tenderly. They tasted so sweet. "So take responsibility and let me rent a hotel-room for us."

"Professor, I can not wait that long!" Cerebral pulled of his shirt and…

"STOP!" Dib shouted.

"What is it, son?" Membrane asked, slightly insulted that he was interrupted.

"First, I don't want to hear about how Bob was made, second, this entire story is a lie!"

"… Idunnowhatyouaretalkingabout…"

"You invented alternative fuel before I was born! You just don't want to share it with the world because the government is paying you not to!"

"You knew about that?"

"And Cerebral's family isn't even dead! His parents were at the wedding, and they live safely in Greendale, Wisconsin!"

"I didn't say which part of his family died... "

"And look at him!" Zim, Gaz, Gir and Membrane all turned to Cerebral who was sitting next to them with Bob in his arms. "He has no depth, he doesn't look amazing, he would never say anything like that, and where is his quirky smile? His smile is just creepy!"

"Dib, don't be rude," Zim said and pulled Dib back down on the couch. "Now, professor Membrane, I am very interested in this making of Bob." Zim walked closer and slightly pulled Membrane's coat. "How did you make him succumb?"

"Well, technically, Dad succumbed, since he was the pregnant one," Gaz pointed out.

"Eh? But he was acting all manly and stuff! And Dib, you lied to me!"

"About what?" Dib asked.

"You said that if I succumbed, there would be no worm baby! But it's the oppo…" Zim was interrupted by Dib's hand.

"I never said anything like that because we have never done anything…" Dib said nervously to his father. "… ever… Dad, we're going over to Zim's house. Thanks for the story. Bye!" he said loudly while dragging Zim along with him.

"Wait for me! I want tacos!" Gir shouted after them while running.

Gaz looked around for a moment. "Yeah, I just don't wanna be here," she explained and walked upstairs.

"I wonder why they didn't believe me," Membrane said to Cerebral when they were alone.

"Well, most of it wasn't true…" Cerebral giggled. He stood up and placed little Bob on his blanket. Membrane walked over as well and put his arm around Cerebral while looking at his little child.

"He sure is beautiful," Membrane whispered. Cerebral nodded in response. "I think they would get a little angry if I told them the truth," Membrane sighted.

"That we had a drunken one night stand and that we didn't even really like each other before that? I like your story better too."

"Yes, me too, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you anyway." The two men kissed briefly.

"I love you too Membrane. More than anything…"

* * *

**Author's random rambling:** I'm really starting to like Cerebral. I wish he was real… in the Invader Zim world that is. I have drawn him, but Vasques style is hard to draw surprisingly so it's not that good. I tried putting a link to it here, but no such luck. Just look at the scraps on my deviantart account.

If anyone wants to draw a pic of Bob, please do and send me a link! I'll write you a thank you fic about anything, if you want.


End file.
